Pickup Lines From the Past (That Deserve to Stay There)

Okay, let’s get real for a minute. We’ve all heard some pickup lines that make us want to teleport to another dimension. You know the type – cheesy, outdated, and more likely to get you an eye roll than a date.

Honestly, some of these relics belong in a museum alongside dial-up modems and butterfly hair clips. But hey, since misery loves company, let’s take a trip down memory lane and laugh at the worst of the worst: 

The Classics: From Ancient Awkwardness to 80s Cheese

• Ancient Egypt: “If I were a cat, I’d spend all nine lives with you.” Okay, even with the whole cat worship thing, this was a little much.
• Medieval Times: “Milady, your eyes shine brighter than the blacksmith’s forge.” Romance, or a really weird compliment about your potential for eye damage?
• Victorian Era: “Excuse me, does this handkerchief smell like chloroform?” Nope. Just nope.
• 1980s: “Are those space pants? ‘Cause your booty is out of this world.” A classic, but definitely not one for the win.

Pickup Lines Today: Are We Any Better?

Sadly, even with smartphones and social media, bad pickup lines run rampant:

• Emoji overload: 🍆🍑❓Yeah, we get it, but also…we don’t.
• The Overly Confident: “You + Me = Perfect.” Bold, but maybe save the math for later dates.
• The Fake Deep: “If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.” Someone’s been reading too many greeting cards.

More Pickup Lines

• “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”  Oof, this one’s a classic for a reason…a bad one. Unless you’re a literal angel, this line’s just awkward.
• “Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?”  Buddy, Santa’s not into creepy requests, no matter how much eggnog you’ve had.
• “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see.”  Geography jokes? Is it 1982? Also, that joke could apply to literally anyone.
• “Your eyes are like the ocean, and I’m lost at sea.” You’re lost alright, lost in a sea of cheesiness. Next!
• “Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.” You’ll also need a helmet for the inevitable faceplant this line will earn you.
• “Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.” This one’s slightly less painful, but only if you can pull off the delivery without sounding like a stalker.
• “Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?” Bold, but unless you’re incredibly charming, this comes off as cocky, not cute.
• “If being beautiful was a crime, you’d get a life sentence.” Only works if they’re REALLY into cheesy compliments…and haven’t heard this one a million times before.
• “If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.” Bonus points if you can flawlessly execute the eyebrow raise to go along with this one.
• “Did the sun come out, or did you just smile at me?” Prepare for the other person to shield their eyes in mock offense.
• “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” This one screams “desperate,” and nobody wants to feel like a backup plan.
• “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”  Sweet? Maybe. Cringey? Definitely.
• “On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9. I’m the 1 you need.” The math on this one makes absolutely no sense, but hey, maybe they’ll be too confused to say no?

Let’s Hear Yours!

Got any terrible pickup lines to share? Drop them in the comments! Remember, sometimes the funniest moments come from the most awkward situations.

Let’s Ditch the Cheese

The truth is, the best way to break the ice is to be yourself.  Try a genuine compliment, ask a question about their interests, or just share a funny story. Trust me, real conversation beats a cheesy pickup line any day.

Let’s make Emerald Chat a place for cool connections, not cringey pickup lines!